How to be Disagreeable without Being a Bitch

How to be Disagreeable without Being a Bitch

Simple Strategies to Success

Many women quiver at the term “Disagreeable” as it represents the opposite of 1 of the Big 5 Personality Traits “Agreeableness.”  Would a man mind being described as disagreeable? 

SheWorth understands the uneasiness many women who have been socially conditioned to be agreeable their entire life may experience when faced with this part of their personality.

We argue that there is a way to get along, without compromising your needs, and continue to be liked, or even respected even more!   It may feel uncomfortable to begin, but here is an example:

Scenario 1:

Two women- Boss and Female Employee

Your boss is sending you flowers because she recognizes that you aren’t getting the job title or financial recognition within the organization that you deserve. 

This time:

Hey Boss!  I really appreciate the fact that you took the time to send me those flowers, they smelt fantastic.  With that being said, I have been thinking a lot about what they symbolize and I feel that I have been too quiet in advocating for what I think I deserve which is a higher wage and more responsibility in terms of job title.  I have put a lot of thought into this and would love the opportunity to hear what you think about this and see if we can come up with a plan moving forward.

Scenario 2:

Mom of 2 Children

The moms in the neighborhood are planning to put their kids in a camp that you know your own child would not like.  They “assume” you will go along (because you always have), but something inside of you really doesn’t want to.  You respect your child’s uniqueness and don’t want to “pressure” her into attending. 

This time:

Hey ladies,  I appreciate you letting me in on your plans for summer camps.  I am sure your kiddos are going to have a great time!  We are going to pass on it this summer as I know my child would love an alternative camp and I really want to show my daughter that her voice and needs are heard.  I look forward to other fun times this summer and can’t wait for the warm weather.

Scenario 3:

5 Women going out for Dinner on a Friday Night

A group of girlfriends is trying to decide where to go for dinner.  Four of the women are quite well off and do not mind spending $100/night on a dinner out.  The one woman is of average income and uncomfortable spending that much for a night out.  The “average” income woman scores high on Agreeableness and has always “gone along” for fear of being outcast by the group. 

This time:

Hey girls!  So excited to spend time together.  I love our tradition of having glamorous nights out, however, due to my financial situation, the cost of these nights out are making me uncomfortable and somewhat anxious.  I would love if we could try out another option, such as an evening at my place, or the cute Ethnic restaurant up the street?  Let me know what you think and I can’t wait to catch up soon!

The examples given above begin to arm you with the language to begin to state how you really feel in a respectful, fair, and confident manner.  The “sandwich technique” is an amazing tool to communicate difficult emotions.  The “sandwich technique” entails starting with the good, putting in the challenging bit, and concluding with something good.

Being willing to be disagreeable does not have to come across as defensive, bitchy, or accusatory. Practice these things and try it out at your next opportunity.  You may surprise yourself and feel super worthy afterward.

And…if you practice and it goes well, why not submit it as a Brave Moment? You got this!!!!

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