Agreeableness vs. Disagreeableness

Women can’t win, so why bother?

One of the Big 5 Personality traits found across cultures is the trait known as Agreeableness.  The basic definition of an Agreeable person is one whose tendency is to be compassionate and cooperative toward others and place social harmony as a high goal.  In other words, Agreeable individuals are pleasant to be around, easy to get along with, and tend to put themselves on a “lower rung of the ladder,” in the interest of social harmony.

Women generally score higher on Agreeableness than men.  Women are culturally conditioned to “get along,” and not rock the boat.  People who are more agreeable are often liked better.

The problem is, people like us when we’re agreeable but we can’t succeed when we’re agreeable.

Goldilocks Phenomenon

So, we can’t win, and this is referred to as the “Goldilocks phenomenon.”  Your porridge is too hot, or too cold, or just not right.  In other words, you are too humble, too direct, too strong, too weak, too fat, or too skinny. 

So, do you want to be liked or do you want to be successful?

What an unfair question to have to answer. Most of us would prefer to have both.

Due to the mixed signals that women of our generation face in terms of agreeableness, the SheWorth mission is to help cultivate an internal sense of worthiness and freedom to show up exactly as you are. 

Women need to cultivate the ability to “catch themselves” when agreeing in spite of having an internal warning system telling them they “want to say no,” or feel that they are being treated “unfairly.”

Finding a way to communicate in a calm, confident, and fair manner can bridge the gap between agreeableness and disagreeableness. 

See the article “How to be Disagreeable without being a Bitch” to learn more.

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